Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
