Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
