Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
