there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he was CRYING into my vagina
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
