How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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