yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
