I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
