I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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