oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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