I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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