be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
