We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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