Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
