So drunk its hurt
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
