He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
