He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
