Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
