he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
