so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
