Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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