He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
home. puking in laundry basket.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
