i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
