I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
