Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
