I wanna passion pit in your ass
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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