i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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