Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
