can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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