People in love make me want to vomit
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
