after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
