I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
