u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
