i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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