So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
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We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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