Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
