my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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