Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize