you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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