i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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