in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
