saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
