Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
