Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
