now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
