Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
