Soap is not a condiment
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
