You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
