I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
FUCK WHALES
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
