She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize