my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
