Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
