I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
