you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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