Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
