why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
