All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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