You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am full of burrito and curiosity
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
