I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
