They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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