onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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