I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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