I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
