when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
