Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
