You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
