Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
