Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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