You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
