Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
