the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
