My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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