my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
