What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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